Reconnecting with my Dad

A family reunion that was 15 years in the making

At the end of October, I took a trip to see my dad for the first time in about fifteen years. It was a surreal experience that I once thought might never happen. What made it even more special is that I also got to meet my two younger brothers, my dad’s other sons, for the first time.

Getting to this point of healing and reconciliation after being apart for so long wasn’t easy. I’ll speak for only myself and say that the ability to forgive and move on from the past came from God giving me the strength to confront my own failures. It wasn’t until I learned hard lessons about my own limitations as a man that I could see the mistake in judging my father for his limitations.

Last year, in the National Post, I wrote about how my perspective has evolved.

Failing to forgive means we’ll be harder on ourselves. University of Toronto psychologist and best-selling author Jordan Peterson explained this dynamic in one of his popular bible lectures on YouTube. “You forgive because you’re an idiot, too. You’ll probably do something stupid and maybe you’d like the same kind of break at some point.”

By refusing to forgive my dad, I failed to appreciate just how difficult it is to be a good husband, especially if you carry childhood trauma. He failed at something that’s hard to do well. But by forgiving my father for coming up short, I can forgive myself for the mistakes I make, too.

I wasn’t sure what to expect when I met my dad again. But it was all love from the moment we saw each other. We hugged immediately and spent the next few days catching up on memories and milestones we missed. I also got to spend time with my younger brothers and see the striking similarities between them and the two sisters I was blessed to grow up with.

By the time I left for the airport, on my way back to Canada, I felt closer to my dad than ever before.

As long-time readers know, the last few years of my life have been hectic and stressful. I’m sure many of you can relate to some, if not all, of what I’ve gone through. In 2018/2019, I survived stage IV non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma after undergoing chemotherapy and radiation. Then COVID-19 impacted everybody I know and love. In 2020, I got married and, by 2021, the marriage fell apart. Earlier this year, Bell Media fired me from my job in radio as punishment for refusing to be a token employee.

When facing such challenges, each and every day can feel like climbing up hill. You need help to get through it. And, when looking for help, there is something unique about a father’s wisdom.

At times, speaking to my dad again felt like talking to an older version of myself. It was clear that long before I began my own journey as a man, he started searching for answers to the same questions in front of me today.

I’m grateful to God beyond words for bringing us back together. Given what the last few years have been like, I know that a relationship with my dad can help me become the best version of myself.

For years, there was a particular Jay-Z song (“Where Have You Been”) that came to mind when I though about my dad. Jay-Z powerfully explains what it was like to grow up without his father around.

After reconnecting with my dad, a different Jay-Z song (“Moment of Clarity”) resonates much more. Jay-Z raps about being glad he met his father again before it was too late.

A smirk was all on my face

Like, “damn, that mans face was just like my face”

So pop, I forgive you for all the s*** that I lived through

It wasn't all your fault, homie, you got caught

…

I'm just glad we got to see each other

Talk and re-meet each other