What makes a good mentor?

Good mentors encourage individuality over groupthink, see the truth of both choice and unfairness, and reject moral relativism.

Since starting my new job as president of the Canada Strong & Free Network a few weeks ago, I’ve been focused on launching a new mentorship program for young conservative leaders. Fortunately, I’ve connected with others with similar objectives and we are in the process of designing something unique and impactful. The application process will launch this summer.

This work has given me the chance to reflect on what I think makes for a good mentor. I’ve summarized three of my conclusions below.

1. Good mentors encourage individuality over groupthink.

As the Harvard Business Review tells us, good mentors “do everything they can to imprint their ‘goodness’ onto others in ways that make others feel like fuller versions of themselves.” To do this, a mentor must learn who a mentee is as an individual: his or her dreams, hopes, strengths, weaknesses, likes, and dislikes. And the individuality of a mentee and mentor must both be respected.

Where a young person doesn’t have a mentor encouraging his or her individuality, he or she is vulnerable to being pushed toward groupthink. Peer pressure is powerful because people of all ages fear being shamed for not fitting in and then excluded from a group to which they hope to belong. Mentors help resist unhealthy peer pressure.

2. Good mentors see the truth of both choice and unfairness.

Mentors prepare their proteges for adversity by helping them see both choice and unfairness in their lives. Seeing choice means recognizing where personal responsibility can be exercised to overcome adversity. Seeing unfairness means understanding that circumstances beyond our control can be harsh and uncompromising, contributing to the adversity that individuals face.

Research discussed in The Atlantic shows that students who view the world as entirely meritocratic can be discouraged because they blame themselves for things outside of their control. These students might not think they're good enough for opportunities in front of them and develop imposter syndrome. Understanding how unfairness impacts our lives is helpful.

But, if there is no balance and we overemphasize unfairness, people fail to see where their own good choices might make a positive difference. Learned helplessness harms people who “accept that bad things will take place and they will have little control over them,” completely negating individual agency.

3. Good mentors reject moral relativism.

Mentors recognize that setting an example is important and reject the old idea “do as I say and not as I do.” Both what a leader says and what a leader does is crucial. There ought to be no double standards. Otherwise, those who look up to us are being sent mixed messages about what is expected of them.

Research published by the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology shows that exposure to moral absolutism, which is the belief that what’s right or wrong is true for all people, has a better effect on human behavior than moral relativism, which is the belief that what’s right or wrong is subjective and changes from one group to the next. As the research study concludes, “moral relativism compromises moral behavior.”